11-01-06 Family "Practice"

11-01-06 Family "Practice"
Its getting old... the way we run this family.Either we talk too much, or we don't talk enough. And in a time like this, we NEED to say how we feel. And some people feel like that's just not the thing to do. I talk openly with those who are willing to listen; my 3 year-old daughter even ask me questions, and i answer them the best i can. I reassure her that the parents that adopted Keaton are good people, and i know in my heart we will see him again. And she is happy with that answer. But others just don't feel the need to talk, and it upsets me...Some people think its OK to hide how they feel, or share it with everyone but me. And well, that's about the worst thing you can do. Specially when its my own mother. She has held me once while i cried, and since then, she has dis-lodged herself from me. When i cry, she ignores it, or gets herself more into what she is doing. When i want to share those fears, and those tears with her, she makes herself unavailable. Doesn't she know those things hurt me more then the whole adoption? She sat there and shared a meal with all of us, and she didn't have to. She told me she believes i will see him again, and at the last minute, i went to HER to ask if i should sign the papers, or have them bring the baby to our home. She said she believed he was in a good home, and that i should sign the papers, so, i did!Why didn't she share those fears with me? The same fears, and feelings i have been having for the last 9 months, and she wont tell me? Doesn't she understand that we could help each other? Hell, i know I'm her daughter, but i would like to be there for her, even if she cant be there for me.Don't get me wrong, when i cry, i don't want anyone but my mother, but she is so wrapped up in her computer games that i don't get her shoulder to cry on. I don't know what i did wrong, but I've lost my mother somehow over the last year, and all i know is, at a time like this, i wish i could have her back.
2006-11-01 15:34:28 GMT